Dear Jacob/Henry,
There are so many things I want you to know, so many things I had planned on teaching you, so many things I had planned on doing with you. First of all, I want you to know that you are loved, as you are, for who you are. God made you perfect, just the way you are, and we love you so much, just as you are. I am so sorry that I will never be able to hold you, to kiss you and hug you, to cuddle you and have you sleep in my arms, content with a full belly and an even fuller heart. I long for the first time you would have been able to really smile AT ME, to look into my eyes and let me know that you know you are loved. I so looked forward to the day of bringing you home, of introducing you first to your Eastern European brother, and finally to all of your brothers and sisters, who so looked forward to having you home with them. We have your bed, set up in our room, ready for you. Your big brothers have argued with me that you should be in their room with them, not in mom and dad's room! Your sisters have been busy picking toys and clothes. Your teachers and principal next year have been asking many questions about your, when will you be home, when will i be bringing you in for a visit, when can they first start to teach you?? Even the neighbors have been asking, anxiously awaiting your arrival to our family, knowing full well that you are in our family already.
Then the news came last Friday, the 13Th. I've never been superstitious, and I'm not going to start now, but still...
Shelley had the difficult task of telling me that you are now home with Jesus.
It is hard to be happy for you, when I'm so sad for me, and for all of us. But, I'm trying, I really am.
I am sorry for you, too, though. I'm SO SORRY that we were not there earlier for you. I'm SO SORRY that you lived in a place for more than 5 long years that was not "home". I'm SO SORRY that you were not able to experience a mama's cuddles, kisses on your cheek and forehead, a papa's scruffy beard on your face or a "Jacob/Henry Sandwich", with mama and papa as the bread and you as the filling. I'm SORRY that it has taken us so long from the time that we committed to bringing you into our family, that you literally could not wait that long. I'm SORRY you won't know Noodle the Doodle (our dog) licking you, or waiting for you to throw the ball so she could go get it. I'm SORRY you won't ever hear your new name, lovingly picked just for you, debated over and over again by all members of the family. I'm SORRY you won't be here for our fantastically overstimulating family Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, and birthday parties, with many aunts and uncles and cousins. I'm SORRY you spent so many days cold, hungry, alone in a crib, without a mother's love and attention.
My dear, darling Jacob/Henry, I rejoice that you are now at peace, and I pray that Our Blessed Mother gathers you into her arms and you will then know what I have longed to give you, that I cannot now. Be free, Jacob/Henry. Run, jump, and play, eat, eat, and eat more until you have your fill, and know that your waiting is over! Now it is the rest of us that must endure the wait until we can see you in Heaven!
We all love you, son. And always will.
Love,
Mama
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
No time for anything....
Time is up.
Our dossier is in Jacob/Henry and "Matt's" country, has been translated and is being authenticated. If we would like to adopt two children, on this adoption trip, and not delay "Matt's" adoption process, time is up for us to decide upon another child.
Saying "yes" to one means saying "no" to many others. And we just had a huge "NO" given to Jacob/Henry.
We anticipate making that decision very soon, possibly tonight, so that if we do decide to adopt another child with Matt, we can get the paperwork there for submission without delay.
Questions still abound, and more than likely we will not know the answers, ever. It doesn't stop them from coming.
In other news.....
Joey has officially been diagnosed with precocious puberty (age 10) and will begin treatment for that soon.
Jacob (our Serbian son, the reason "Jacob/Henry" cannot be "Jacob") is working through medications to help his self abusive behavior.
Never a dull moment around here.
Mary
Our dossier is in Jacob/Henry and "Matt's" country, has been translated and is being authenticated. If we would like to adopt two children, on this adoption trip, and not delay "Matt's" adoption process, time is up for us to decide upon another child.
Saying "yes" to one means saying "no" to many others. And we just had a huge "NO" given to Jacob/Henry.
We anticipate making that decision very soon, possibly tonight, so that if we do decide to adopt another child with Matt, we can get the paperwork there for submission without delay.
Questions still abound, and more than likely we will not know the answers, ever. It doesn't stop them from coming.
In other news.....
Joey has officially been diagnosed with precocious puberty (age 10) and will begin treatment for that soon.
Jacob (our Serbian son, the reason "Jacob/Henry" cannot be "Jacob") is working through medications to help his self abusive behavior.
Never a dull moment around here.
Mary
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Healing
The past day and a half have been rough. Lots of tears, lots of "what if's", but also lots of prayers. It's hard to grieve a child you have never met. Typically in grieving, we remember some good times, some lovely warm memory. But when you don't have that, it is so different. So hard.
With permission from the author, Meredith Cornish, I offer these thoughts:
While we were eating…
… they were hungry
While we were playing…
… they were restrained
While we were tucking our kids into bed…
… they were alone
While we turned up the heat…
… they laid in the icy cold
While we wrapped our children in blanket sleepers…
… they laid in their own excrement
While we sang songs and listened to music…
… they listened to the screams and cries of those around them
While we rocked our babies…
… they silently rocked themselves
While we hugged our kids…
… they scratched at their own faces and pulled their own hair for stimulation
While we cried over scraped knees…
… they moaned in their loneliness
While we brushed our daughters’ beautiful hair…
… they had their heads shaven to stave off the lice
While we fought off the flu with love and nourishment…
… they got the flu and went Home.
No longer suffering… but so many more still are.
In memory of those that have never felt the love of a family, but have passed away alone.
By: Meredith Cornish
And I dedicate this to our little angel, "Jacob/Henry".
Mary
With permission from the author, Meredith Cornish, I offer these thoughts:
While we were eating…
… they were hungry
While we were playing…
… they were restrained
While we were tucking our kids into bed…
… they were alone
While we turned up the heat…
… they laid in the icy cold
While we wrapped our children in blanket sleepers…
… they laid in their own excrement
While we sang songs and listened to music…
… they listened to the screams and cries of those around them
While we rocked our babies…
… they silently rocked themselves
While we hugged our kids…
… they scratched at their own faces and pulled their own hair for stimulation
While we cried over scraped knees…
… they moaned in their loneliness
While we brushed our daughters’ beautiful hair…
… they had their heads shaven to stave off the lice
While we fought off the flu with love and nourishment…
… they got the flu and went Home.
No longer suffering… but so many more still are.
In memory of those that have never felt the love of a family, but have passed away alone.
By: Meredith Cornish
And I dedicate this to our little angel, "Jacob/Henry".
Mary
Friday, May 13, 2011
Mother's Day
No, today is not Mother's Day. That was Sunday. Moms: What were you doing on Mother's Day this year? Mother's Day 2011 will always be bittersweet to me. I had my kids here, and that was great. I got a wonderful book that each one "signed" with a special personal message. I missed my mom, but know she is a much better place and can rejoice that I had the privilege of caring for her for the last 20 years of her life.
I got to pick dinner, and my wonderful husband cooked it (which, I'm happy to say, is the norm around here...he does the vast majority of the cooking). I went to church, the kids were pretty good, and it was First Communion Mass. I love going to First Communion Mass.
And I eagerly anticipated hearing sometime the next week that our dossier was submitted, we had our confirmation and could travel with a few weeks to meet our newest boys. Yes, Mother's Day 2011 WAS a great day while I was experiencing it.
We got a call this morning. I was so excited when the call came in. NOW, I will find out when we can travel.
It wasn't THAT call. Instead, I was tearfully informed that just 2 days before Mother's Day 2011, a mother's worst nightmare occurred, and I did not even know, and I could not even do anything.
Our "Jacob" passed away. The words were numb in my ear, in my head.
Today we mourn our child, who never knew us. I think that is the hardest. If he had come home, been loved, fed, tickled, hugged, and then died, well, at least I would know he knew a family's love. But life cheated him.
I am not eloquent in writing. I tend to ramble. But Jim is great and has expressed it very well....read it here....www.apapastory.blogspot.com
And a dear, dear friend of mine, also much more eloquent than I, shared her feelings: http://martiniadoptionroad.blogspot.com/
I can't add anything to these.
Mary
I got to pick dinner, and my wonderful husband cooked it (which, I'm happy to say, is the norm around here...he does the vast majority of the cooking). I went to church, the kids were pretty good, and it was First Communion Mass. I love going to First Communion Mass.
And I eagerly anticipated hearing sometime the next week that our dossier was submitted, we had our confirmation and could travel with a few weeks to meet our newest boys. Yes, Mother's Day 2011 WAS a great day while I was experiencing it.
We got a call this morning. I was so excited when the call came in. NOW, I will find out when we can travel.
It wasn't THAT call. Instead, I was tearfully informed that just 2 days before Mother's Day 2011, a mother's worst nightmare occurred, and I did not even know, and I could not even do anything.
Our "Jacob" passed away. The words were numb in my ear, in my head.
Today we mourn our child, who never knew us. I think that is the hardest. If he had come home, been loved, fed, tickled, hugged, and then died, well, at least I would know he knew a family's love. But life cheated him.
I am not eloquent in writing. I tend to ramble. But Jim is great and has expressed it very well....read it here....www.apapastory.blogspot.com
And a dear, dear friend of mine, also much more eloquent than I, shared her feelings: http://martiniadoptionroad.blogspot.com/
I can't add anything to these.
Mary
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Paper Babies On The Way
Well, we passed the psychiatrist and MMPI (all 585 questions for each of us) and the psychiatrist signed the paper! We got that and our regular physician's signature on Thursday, so that completed our dossier, or our Paper Babies!
After a stop at the bank for notarizations, we went downtown to certify. (In Ohio, an intermediate step between notarization and apostille is necessary. So, we sign the papers. The notary notarizes that we are indeed the people who signed these papers. The certification certifies that the notary's signature is indeed valid, that is really is THE NOTARY, and then the apostille certifies the certification for all papers going to foreign countries.)
Friday was our wedding anniversary, and I have the best, most thoughtful husband ever! He surprised me by arranging an overnight for us at Belterra Casino. We are NOT big gamblers, but the hotel and spa there are great, we had a gift card for a nice steak restaurant there, and we did go try our hand at the machines. Since we used to live in Vegas, we have learned how to play the machines and leave feeling good....we each put 20.00 in our machine of choice, and as soon as we are "up" we cash out, and are finished. Jim came out with an extra 7.75 and I netted 87 cents. Not big winnings, but we had fun, and left with more money than we went in with!
Our daughter Marie was the main fort holder here, assisted by Emily and Catie, so we had no kid worries at all. It was so wonderful to actually sleep in until 6:30am! Then, since I didn't HAVE to get up, I went back to sleep until 8!
Our night of rest complete, we returned home to ready for Easter and the celebrations here. Jim went to Columbus to apostille the dossier, and I stayed home cleaning the house. By 4 pm our Paper Babies were en route across the pond to their destination. Projected delivery...Tuesday.
And today we celebrate 7 years that Catie and James have officially been Stolz's. They were the first children we adopted, and so began our odyssey with international adoption. Catie is 21, and James is 13. James has officially been a Stolz longer than he had not been a Stolz. I look at photos of our time in Ukraine adopting them, and see them now and I just can't believe how blessed we are!
My prayer is for the Peace of the Risen Christ to be with all who are sharing our journey!
Mary
After a stop at the bank for notarizations, we went downtown to certify. (In Ohio, an intermediate step between notarization and apostille is necessary. So, we sign the papers. The notary notarizes that we are indeed the people who signed these papers. The certification certifies that the notary's signature is indeed valid, that is really is THE NOTARY, and then the apostille certifies the certification for all papers going to foreign countries.)
Friday was our wedding anniversary, and I have the best, most thoughtful husband ever! He surprised me by arranging an overnight for us at Belterra Casino. We are NOT big gamblers, but the hotel and spa there are great, we had a gift card for a nice steak restaurant there, and we did go try our hand at the machines. Since we used to live in Vegas, we have learned how to play the machines and leave feeling good....we each put 20.00 in our machine of choice, and as soon as we are "up" we cash out, and are finished. Jim came out with an extra 7.75 and I netted 87 cents. Not big winnings, but we had fun, and left with more money than we went in with!
Our daughter Marie was the main fort holder here, assisted by Emily and Catie, so we had no kid worries at all. It was so wonderful to actually sleep in until 6:30am! Then, since I didn't HAVE to get up, I went back to sleep until 8!
Our night of rest complete, we returned home to ready for Easter and the celebrations here. Jim went to Columbus to apostille the dossier, and I stayed home cleaning the house. By 4 pm our Paper Babies were en route across the pond to their destination. Projected delivery...Tuesday.
And today we celebrate 7 years that Catie and James have officially been Stolz's. They were the first children we adopted, and so began our odyssey with international adoption. Catie is 21, and James is 13. James has officially been a Stolz longer than he had not been a Stolz. I look at photos of our time in Ukraine adopting them, and see them now and I just can't believe how blessed we are!
My prayer is for the Peace of the Risen Christ to be with all who are sharing our journey!
Mary
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hey, Jim, I know what we are going to do today...(well, tomorrow)
Big plans......
We were successful in finding a psychiatrist to do an evaluation and sign our final piece of paper for our adoption. Jim and I have both been calling every lead we could find, and yesterday, one finally paid off. A very helpful young woman checked with the docs in the group where she works, and today called me back to say "yes, we can do this!".
So, tomorrow, Jim gets to go in early to do his MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), a 485 yes/no/true/false questionnaire. Then he comes home to work, and I will go in around noon to to my MMPI. About 2pm (they said they will each take up to 2+ hours!) the psychiatrist will meet with me for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with Jim for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with both of us together. We are hoping for the shorter time on all of these estimates. At the end of this day long drill, we will be considerably monetarily poorer, but hopefully in possession of the final psychiatric clearance needed for our country.
Then off to notarize, certified (in Ohio, notarizations are certified first at the county level) and apostilled. Then we can mail this paper pregnancy across the pond and be that much closer to having our little boys home!
Mary
We were successful in finding a psychiatrist to do an evaluation and sign our final piece of paper for our adoption. Jim and I have both been calling every lead we could find, and yesterday, one finally paid off. A very helpful young woman checked with the docs in the group where she works, and today called me back to say "yes, we can do this!".
So, tomorrow, Jim gets to go in early to do his MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), a 485 yes/no/true/false questionnaire. Then he comes home to work, and I will go in around noon to to my MMPI. About 2pm (they said they will each take up to 2+ hours!) the psychiatrist will meet with me for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with Jim for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with both of us together. We are hoping for the shorter time on all of these estimates. At the end of this day long drill, we will be considerably monetarily poorer, but hopefully in possession of the final psychiatric clearance needed for our country.
Then off to notarize, certified (in Ohio, notarizations are certified first at the county level) and apostilled. Then we can mail this paper pregnancy across the pond and be that much closer to having our little boys home!
Mary
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Our Golden Ticket
We have our Golden Ticket, otherwise known as USCIS approval.
This means we SHOULD have our dossier in route to Eastern Europe. But we have one more document that is giving us trouble. In this particular EE country, one document required is a psychiatrist signed clearance that we are mentally fit to be parents. Sounds simple enough. But when you are not seeing a psychiatrist, finding one who is willing to do whatever kind of evaluation they need to do to sign this paper, is difficult, at best. I have had NO LUCK with even getting call backs from the psychiatrists that I have called. Jim has had a little more luck than that, but the only openings we have found are in late May to late June. We are searching for alternatives, but at this point, we are not finding anything.
Please pray that someone will agree to see us quickly and sign our final paper!
Mary
This means we SHOULD have our dossier in route to Eastern Europe. But we have one more document that is giving us trouble. In this particular EE country, one document required is a psychiatrist signed clearance that we are mentally fit to be parents. Sounds simple enough. But when you are not seeing a psychiatrist, finding one who is willing to do whatever kind of evaluation they need to do to sign this paper, is difficult, at best. I have had NO LUCK with even getting call backs from the psychiatrists that I have called. Jim has had a little more luck than that, but the only openings we have found are in late May to late June. We are searching for alternatives, but at this point, we are not finding anything.
Please pray that someone will agree to see us quickly and sign our final paper!
Mary
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
USCIS
I phoned the friendly folks at USCIS yesterday to inquire about our progress. After a few questions, I was transfered to an oh-so-unhelpful voicemail with promises to return my phone call 'as soon as possible". So, undeterred, I tried again today.
And, they told me that our I 800a was APPROVED as of April 7th! YAHOOOOOOO!!!!! It did not come in the mail today, so I am very much expecting it tomorrow.
With this being our 4th international adoption, you think we would be more accustomed to the "hurry and and wait....then SPRINT to the next level" process inherent in the system. Not so.
I will update again when I have that golden ticket in my hot little hand, and then be updating much more frequently as we have more news to report.
After watching the Dateline special "The Boy From Babyhouse 10" on Sunday, and knowing that both of our sons are living in institutions, our determination to break them free and bring them home as soon as possible has intensified!
And, they told me that our I 800a was APPROVED as of April 7th! YAHOOOOOOO!!!!! It did not come in the mail today, so I am very much expecting it tomorrow.
With this being our 4th international adoption, you think we would be more accustomed to the "hurry and and wait....then SPRINT to the next level" process inherent in the system. Not so.
I will update again when I have that golden ticket in my hot little hand, and then be updating much more frequently as we have more news to report.
After watching the Dateline special "The Boy From Babyhouse 10" on Sunday, and knowing that both of our sons are living in institutions, our determination to break them free and bring them home as soon as possible has intensified!
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