Friday, March 25, 2011

Waiting and Waiting......

I know it has been quite a while for an update. Basically, there is not much to update on our adoption. Our homestudy and application have been delivered to USCIS, our check has been cashed, and our file is sitting on someone's desk, waiting to rise to the top of the pile so it can be approved. We received our fingerprint appointment, for April 1, and we have not gone down early to try to get printed early. I have called twice, and both times been told that our file has not yet been assigned to an officer, and estimated time to completion, assuming that no additional information is needed, is 90 days from receipt...our official receipt was the end of February. So, we are in a holding pattern...again.
I should say "Jacob" and "Matt" are in a holding pattern. It is easy to focus on our impatience, on our preferred time line. But the REAL tragedy here is that two little boys have been waiting for 5 and 6 YEARS now, to have a mama pick them up, smother them in kisses and love, hugs and tickles. They have been waiting 5 and 6 YEARS to be thrown in the air and expertly caught mid flight by their Daddy, held and cuddled, tickled by a scruffy 5 o'clock shadow. Waiting 5 and 6 years for mama and papa and brothers and sisters. Waiting 5 and 6 years for someone to notice that 15 lbs for a 5 year old is WAY too small and some medical intervention (and nutritional intervention) is desperately needed. Their entire lives have been a "holding pattern" and they don't even cognitively KNOW it.
But, if having our Serbian Jacob here has taught us anything, it is that despite not COGNITIVELY knowing something, his soul knew it, missed it, yearned for it, prayed for it, waited for it. God plants this knowledge of how things SHOULD be deep in our hearts, just as he plants the seeds of a conscience so even those who don't hear His Word know in their hearts the difference between right and wrong. That knowledge that each person is supposed to have a mama and a papa, someone who loves them unconditionally, who is there when they are needed. That knowledge is planted deep in our children's hearts. They do indeed miss us.
OUR BOYS are the focus of our waiting. They need us now. They needed us years ago. We are hurrying as fast as we can, but it is not fast enough for them. It was not fast enough for Jacob, it was not fast enough for Joey, it was not fast enough for Catie and James. Those hurts are there, and all we can do is bandage them up, love them fiercely, and help them get on with life. The rest is up to God.