Monday, December 12, 2011


 Martin, my darling, you are safe with us and we all love you.  You are a good boy.
That’s all I can say to this poor baby. L He had a 2 hour raging session this evening after I held him and got some Tylenol with melatonin in him.  During this he/I managed to break one of his scabs on his face.  He has displayed self injurious behavior recently; his cheek is scabbing over finally but it looks like he scratches and hits his cheek.  Tylenol was given in hopes to help the cheek; but I fear I did more harm than good.  He needed to be held in the nurse position for the syringe.  I melted the melatonin in a drop of water and added the Tylenol and sucked it into the syringe and gave it; more forced it.  He is good at resisting; I found the gap in his front bottom teeth and he got about ½ of the 5ml dose. 
HOWEVER, he spent over 2 hours raging.  And I mean RAGING.  Self abusive, screaming, crying and all.  It was a change of pace not having to bob and weave per Jacob method but broke my heart to see him so distraught.  And that’s exactly what he was.  Poor baby has NO clue what’s going on.  If I could change 1 thing in the adoption process so far it would be to have someone with us closely to be able to explain to the children what is going on.  The people here on the “team” are great;  I love them all for what they do and I can tell their heart is really in it!  But to just be able to have someone who’s sole job is to tell the children they are safe and with their new family; to be able to tell us if any of their communication is in Bulgarian or gestures that maybe we are not familiar with but are customary in their country. 
Dad did a FANTASTIC job with Martin!!!!!!!!  I am very impressed and Martin, while mad at the situation, clearly displayed comfort when in dad’s presence.  Papa asked me to be with Martin once while he went to the restroom.  At this point it was to the point of no return; Martin needed both hands held or prevented from going to his face to smack/punch/scratch/hit himself.  Plus he was banging his body and head on the crib and trying to climb out, all while screaming.  GOD BLESS Deyan; baby fell asleep during the commotion! 
Deyan and I kicked it for a couple hours while dad and James went to get Christopher.  I was VERRRYYY distraught that he was not eating.  I took him to breakfast in his stroller.  We were the only people there; it started at 7 and we were there at about 7:30.  I took him into the breakfast nook and faced him out so he could see me.  I got my coffee (the most important thing to start the day; ask anyone ;) ) and filled my plate so I wouldn’t have to go back for things for me.  (I had 2 small rolls and put ham, turkey, cheese, jam and butter on my plate along with slices of kiwi, oranges and grapefruit.)  I got Deyan breakfast; he’s been LOVING the coffee cake with milk and has eaten 3 pieces the past 2 mornings.  Well, this morning he flat out refused food; anything.  No matter what.  I tried a glass of milk just to get some protein in him and that was a no go as well.  I finished my breakfast and played with him while I did so.  We killed close to an hour and a half in the breakfast hall; complete with stares from just about everyone.  I was wearing my Reece’s Rainbow shirt  that says something like “It really is that black and white.  Every child with Down syndrome deserves a home”.  I’m sure the shirt helped with the stares.  I’m still in the middle of my tattoo design that is in memory of Jacob Henry, who passed before he could be saved from the despair of hunger, loneliness, fear and anxiety as well as to forever keep with me those who my family has been able to save and that we have been blessed with in birth. 
That brings me to my next topic.  Sadness.  I felt it all day today.  I cried this morning every time Deyan refused food.  He is so small and I know he needs what I am offering him and I don’t know why he won’t take it.  Every time he refuses I think of Jacob Henry and how he died.  I look at this precious kid sitting with me and know I can’t force him to eat even though I know he needs it and I know Jacob Henry died from lack of food at a child’s age.  Think of it; to die from starvation before you are 8?? Unfathomable and yet he did; and he was alone, scared and helpless.  Nobody to save him, nobody to feed him.  And here I am with a child who so desperately needs it.  On top of refusing food last night and nearly all day the poor kid has also been constipated.  I can watch his belly get even more distended, I swear it.  I have nothing to give him and even if I did, he would refuse it. Sadness again. 
We met papa, James and Christopher at the passport building and quickly got pics taken and out of there.  It is GREAT that Toni’s mom went ahead and filled everything out for us and waited in line. (she also shoved some people out of line who tried to take our spots..Go grandma, go!) Martin’s picture was first, which is great because he screamed so loudly it made peepaw,, grandma and even Mu roll in their graves in joy to the family addition!  Toni’s mom told dad to take Martin outside after his picture was done.  Deyan’s took a bit longer; 3 tries.  We got everyone back to the hotel and dad made a trip to the supermarket.  It took a while to get a cab back so James and I were with the little guys for a while alone. 
Deyan finally pooped..3 times..large each time!  He must have been changed standing up in the orphanage because that’s how he automatically prepares.  I go with it and he holds still enough that it only takes 1 person to change him.  When he’s wet I can just sit him in my lap while I’m in the boat position (yoga people know what’ I’m talking about) and he complies with every move I make.  After going to the bathroom he ate enough for an entire day’s worth of food in about 2 hours.  He LOVED getting banana yogurt fed to him through a syringe!  5 mls at a time.  I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t have to do anything but open his mouth.  He tries to push the syringe back so far in his mouth that the yogurt slides down his throat.  I make him work a bit more than that to get it; though I admit not much harder.  Any food in his belly is a bonus so I’m not fighting it.  Any way this kid wants food he gets it.  If I have to dance on the ledge of the Earth I will do it for him or Martin..or Jacob, Matt, Joey or James.  Hell, Emily, Julie, Dan or Catie, too.  Even if some of them refuse to speak to me.  Family is everything and one day everyone will come to that understanding and apologize for wrong doings. my soap box.
Deyan and Martin both took baths. Deyan LOVES the bath and would spend forever in there.  He knows a bath is when you wash your body and hair.  He must not have had time to play in the tub because every few mins he stands up, rubs his arms and tummy and hair and looks at me.  Martin, however, was terrified.  HE stood in the tub and watched Deyan but would not sit down.  In time little guy, in time. 
I held Deyan while dad held Christopher this evening.  Deyan looked at the photo album that was taken to him. I’ve only been showing him mom and dad’s pictures.  To each of their pictures, at different times, he has put his lips to their photos.  He also gently taps them.  I tell him who they are and that they love him, that I love him, and that we are his forever family; here for everything and anything.  And then I cry again. LOL.
Deyan and I walked and bounced as he fell asleep.  At one point he had his head on my shoulder and fell asleep.  However, he woke up because he dropped his ball.  I looked over at Martin and Deyan put his hand on my cheek and pulled my face back to look at him…anyone that knows Jake knows that is what he does when he doesn’t have all the attention.  Well, Mister Deyan, a bit selfish are we?! Bring it on, baby, bring it on.  There are so many people to spoil you and your new brother. J
Well, now that it is going on midnight I should get to bed.  Rumor has it Martin wakes up at 4-5am each morning.  And his crib is right by my bed. J
Leka Nosh everyone!

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